is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
