I bet he comes in French.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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