I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
