you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
