i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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