also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I will die if light touches me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
