what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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