I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
