coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
