the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
