i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
whose parrot is this?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
