Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
