im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
