He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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