i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
