well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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