I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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