I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
