I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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