I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
