have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She bit a glass in half.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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