explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
