if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize