so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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