This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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