I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
