She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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