well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
