We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
