I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
