dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
