That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
