Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize