a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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