Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
