Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
