We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
