Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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