We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
