we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
