Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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