Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
