Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
