Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
