He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
