Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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