yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
