Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
