I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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