Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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