Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
