Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
