i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
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I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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