Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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