dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
