Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
