I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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