I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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