Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
