Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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