Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
