why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
