so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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