Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
