Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
