You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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