i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
