I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
