I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i think my cat just said my name.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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