So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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