now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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