I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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