We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
