We're like a lot better than the average bears
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
