I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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