Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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