Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
