Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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