There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize