I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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