Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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