I skipped work to stalk him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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