The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
