i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
