Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
